Important Safety Tips

SAFETY FIRST!

Don't stick a knife in your head - or in any other space on your body.

Don't run with knives in your hand or in your head.

Don't fool around with knives. They can end up stuck in your head.

Don't throw knives, they can end up stuck in other people's heads.

Don't order knives if you're an idiot, or under-age. We don't sell to people in either category - and certainly not if you're in both categories. If you don't know what category you might fall into, you're probably in the first one. If you don't know if you're under-age or (below the age of 18), you're probably in the second category - and maybe in both. If we think you're in either category, we just won't sell you anything at all, so don't bother asking.

Don't order knives if you have a personality disorder or are taking orders from your neighbor's dog. If you have no clue as to what is a "personality," and your psychologist has determined that you cannot own a pen, then a knife is definitely not for you.

See the WARNING and leave us the Hell, alone. We're making knives - and that's dangerous.

More Safety Tips!

Don't eat pastry while skating and holding a knife.

Don't skate with a knife clenched in your teeth even after eating pastry.

Don't dance with anyone who is wearing more than one knife.

Leave any restroom immediately if someone enters with more than one knife.

Don't pull a gun when they pull a knife. Kill them with their knife. It's more economical.

Don't coat your blades in luminous paint, if you want to remain somewhat invisible to the enemy.

Don't coat your knives with curare if you want to live.

Don't irritate voodoo priests, even if you have a knife.

Don't try to kill a 25 foot shark with a knife. It will eat you - and your knife. Knives pooped out by sharks are not covered by warranty. I'm not even sure we have a warranty. We've never needed one.

Don't threaten bears with knives. They are never impressed, because they have paws the size of your head with five knives on each paw. After they've amputated your head and your arms with those paws, they will eat them. Lost knives due to being eaten by a bear is not covered. And we don't offer a ressurection service. Contact the voodoo priest if you haven't already pissed him off.

Don't try to fix your cell phone with a knife. They will ask you about the hole in the phone.

Don't stick knives in your friends and neighbors. It's not polite.

Don't drop a knife out of an airplane - and then follow it without a parachute. We're not sure of the end-results, but we are sure you're going to need some kind of priest.

Don't chase alien creatures with knives. They will eat you - in a very unusual and no-doubt, icky way.

Don't approach Naval warships in fishing boats while brandishing knives. You will likely be fired upon - and once again we are in priest territory.

Lastly, don't swallow knives or swords - if you can't get them out in one direction - they have to go out the other way.

Just a thought.