Why We Don't Sell to Assholes

Like Black Panthers

DS&S Girl doesn't tolerate assholes, either.

1) They Suck.
2) We don't give a rat shit.
3) They don't know how to dress themselves.

 

4) Our fancy knives might clash with their sagging berets, thus creating the stylistic equivalent of a massive singularity. And since such a black hole would likely suck up all the warm and fluffy Panthers - and a number of Obama czars and aids, most of the Justice Department and the group of the living dead that is the ACLU, we here at DS&S believe it is far better, cautious and easier on government paperwork, to keep the whole singularity issue to a minimum.

 

Besides. The Black Panthers (or Black Pampers) are a bunch of wusses. The only thing they're capable of doing is mumbling incoherently about killing other people - or running for their lives while being chased by Texas crowds.

 

Black Panthers are like Neo Nazi skinheads. And isn't it interesting how both groups think the world of each other. Here at DS&S, all that brotherly love is making our Community Relations Staff sob uncontrollably - although that could be because they are flinching every time the Sole Proprieter passes them. She only tasers them at random. What's the big deal?

 

But - are Black Panthers the only folks we won't sell shit too? Yes and no. In actuality, we are perfectly fine selling shit to Black Panthers. All they have to do is request it, and I'll wait until our Bulldog craps out a nice loose one. Then we'll scrape it into a box and ship it to whatever Panther group wants some of our shit. We call that "our effort to give a shit."

 

We have a separate program for other terrorist shit heads. As an example - we believe in working to develop the human genome mutation which will allow all of us to float and fly without added technology. You might think this is impossible, but here at Black Helicopter Headquarters we have placed hallucinogenic mushrooms in the coffee pot in our applied science department. They were counting imaginary fairies on a pin head, when we checked on them a week ago - but made the following proclamation: "Human flight can be achieved through application of environmental stressors. Eventually one or several individuals will present with the ability to fly. We're sure of it! We also believe Obama is wearing a skin-suit - and that he's really a fourth-dimensional being represented in this universe as a big phallus!"

 

Well, we got started on the whole human flight genome development idea, by tossing terrorists out of choppers at varying heights. Still no change - and no cool mutations. But really .... CALLING THE PRESIDENT A WANKER?

 

Yeah. Sporkgirl tasered 'em all for this comment. It's one thing to say "Obama is a dick" - quite another to say "Obama is just a big 4th dimensional dick hiding in a dumb-looking suit."

 

We just don't take that kind of lip lightly down here at DS&S.


Anyhow, back to the above-pictured knives and "those who may own them."
You may own a DS&S Knife under the following conditions (they don't all have to be met):

 

1. If we say so.

 

2. If your local, state, federal and the laws on your planet allow it.

 

3. If you are not a gabble snorfleblaster from the Planet Zort.

 

4. If you can sing and dance. (Singing and dancing is cool - unless you're Vanilla Ice).

 

5. If you are a fan of Monty Python - and have seen the ground-breaking film, The Big Lebowski.

 

6. If you are an evil leprechaun - and we're running a special for evil leprechauns.

 

7. If you will give Badoracle a new Victory Vision motorcycle - and the DS&S apprentice, a used, but serviceable motorcycle (preferably a Harley Davidson softail - although an old Night Train would look good on her bad self too).

 

8. You've survived in the antarctic for a year, with an igloo, a set of pantyhose, a walrus named Tim, a pallet of Captain Morgan rum, and a supply of twinkies and stinky Irish cheese.

 

9. If you have to catch a quick flight to capture and fillet Osama Bin Laden - and a smattering of Taliban maggots - and have hired a tribe of mercenary cannibals and head-shrinkers to make fancy Terrorist kebabs and decorative necklaces for that special evening out at a remote island restaurant called "Barbecue in Mecca" :)

 

10. If you don't OWN an automobile purchased from a company which took government bailouts and have used bailout money to subsequently bail themselves out of the bailout.

 

11. If you love us unconditionally and simply need a blade to feel closer to us (we understand.) Now cut that crap out.
Focus for God's sake.

 

12. We are leaving this one open so we can throw something in at the last minute and disqualify your ass: lalalalalalalalalalalalalala.

 

THAT'S IT.
Now shut the hell up.

 

 

 

For those interested, our knives feature a zero-grind style at between 7.5 and 11 degrees. We do each of these completely by-hand and by-eyeball. There are no jigs at work here. Our grinder features a ten-inch wheel with a variable speed controller - and we run it at high pressures with a 70 duro contact wheel and 2 inch x 72-inch blaze ceramic belts. 

We do not, however, weigh our knives. If you are worried about how much they weigh, you must be preparing to take them into space. Hope you have a good trip.

Our steels have been LaTrobe Dura Tech 20CV, ELMAX, M390, CTS-204P, Z-FINIT Nitrogen Steel, CPM-20CV and a couple in N690 and Cowry X. We are always experimenting - and always looking for new materials and treatments. 

Our coatings are also specialized stuff: We use Black-T and Black Diamond DLC. Our blades are sent out to those two companies to accomplish that work, depending on the requirements of the project.

We do all our own firing and cryo work. Everything by-hand and by-heart.

CURRENT TIMEFRAME

FOR KNIFE BUILDS...

 

5-13 Months

approx.

(yep. We are that busy)

AND REMEMBER:

Troops come first.

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